my best friend is "Mommy" again

although my circle of close women friends are for the most part past their child-bearing years, it seems to have
become a much-noted trend towards grandparents raising their grandkids. this happens for many reasons...for love, or low money, mistreatment,  an absent working parent,
or simply "not-full-grown" children becoming parents too young.... as we pass
out of being "the mother" in our lives and reach the age of  "the crone", it is a fitting time to find your true self again,  expressing the many interests and talents that we gladly gave up,or put aside for the
raising of our children.
many blended families form extended households for economic reasons, and there are often adult sons and daughters
returning to the nest, with their offspring in tow.
often this makes good economic sense in these tough times,
however the issues of childcare can be blurred, and the responsible and more experienced, wiser
women take up their "role" again. 
whether willingly or unwillingly, this is a great gift is for their grandchildren, who should be first
and foremost.

this is an age of baby-mommas and baby-daddys accepted as simply another way of life...with no real social stigma anymore in this brave new world of relationships. some young people make it just fine
out in the world ending up
in parternerships or marriages with families on their own. others just  linger in the "failure to launch" mode, stuck in the world of their youth, quite content at home... just adding some new offspring to the parental nest. 
more often than not, it's work, school or just plain lazyness that requires grandparents to step in
and help out, with babysitting and childcare.

where the lines blur between "helping out" and "raising" grandchildren, loving grandparents often find
themselves trapped into old familiar roles that they have long left behind....both loving, yet resenting their grown kids'allowing this to happen...
it is truly  a conundrum of pure love... do you give all  you can give to your dearly loved grandchildren, while your own grown kids 'do their thing'...
or do you turn away and allow life's cruelties, and relentless  circumstances to play themselves out as they will.    there arent many entirely "happy endings"
with either choice you make. it is the children of dysfunctional families that always suffer, so how can you turn out the adult children and "say go make your own way"....sometimes that way is straight to the hell of chaos, poverty and drugs. an awful fate for young children with ignoring,self-concerned  young parents.

held hostage by the innocent victims that you truly cherish. you are often the main source of pure,
sweet and untainted love for them.  this is the beginning that children need at a tender age, in order to be able to cope emotionally with life as they grow up. 
the conscientious choice to put their children first is often lacking in today's young adults, who just  reproduce, with little thought of how they will handle their own lives.
in that respect, they are still children too,  and the badly need to get their own lives together....
in order to have any successful "family " on their own.

i am writing this "sunday sermon" for my best friend, who is lovingly captured by her dear grandchildren.
i feel is she is saving their lives. she is "Mommy"....period.... to her 2 1/2 yr.old grandaughter and has also taken over the mothering of her dear and darling  5 month old grandson, from the time he was born...
all the while their mother and father
still carry on the drama and fighting that is their life. i see how very wearying the daily care of two very young children affects her entire life...   she is often tired and overwhelmed, as any mother would be.   
but just try on that hat @ 55!!
once she told me her "Mommy glands" are atrophied....in undertaking this sacrifice of her time and energy,
she is a true example of the good Mother,  willing to go the distance because of real love, no matter what it takes.
it is a puzzle she must work out daily, but in my eyes she is a small saint......working small miracles.
there are too many  grandmothers out there who share her story, in some form or another.
always try and give them a hand when you can, even saints get tired, and need a nap....

much love and respect to you,  patti.

vty  J_lea