reprieve and grieve

A reprieve is a suspension of or time allowed before the coming event is carried out.
i have been writing of my fears and anxieties about the elderly animals that are in
my care. the issue of when to let go has been much on my mind the last few months.
as consideration of this decision has become increasingly important, so has my
recognition of my own attachments and feelings about death. although i dont fear
death, that the "me" will no longer exist doesnt really bother me.... i am much more
concerned with the absence of my dear old friends in my life. although memories of
the heart do fade, and a new friend comes along, the sadness before a loss can be
worse than the event.

the past week, i was given both a reprieve, and a loss.... my little dog has congestive heart
disease (he is 11). my vet says there's not really damage, just fluid build-up as the aging
"motor" slows down on the job.
the best news is: it's treatable. i had been more and more apprehensive about
his health, and i failed to take action.... worrying can treat nothing.
i wish i had taken him sooner, as he is back to his semi-active normal state.
beagles sleep alot, as do all dogs in georgia summers.
hopefully he will have a good healthy life from now on; i will certainly have more
time to play with him, take walks, love on him, and make every day count. he is
probably more grateful to chase rabbits in the garden again. he's slower, but he feels good!

the loss was the death of my ancient little mule. i have been expecting this for the last
year or so; she was 30 years old, and losing some weight, but her mischievous spirit
never changed. she loved tobacco....a friend that worked here over the years had
always given her a (filterless) cigarette. she would still run to meet him and try to
pick his pocket with her lips searching for her 'smoke'. i am sure her hee-haw scared the neighbors; out in the woods it was the dreadful sound of a honking, snorting monster...
but if you called her, she'd call you back. i dont think she was suffering, but it just came her time.
i still miss hearing her voice in the wilderness.

so i am over my chapters of geriatric animals... and my ruminations will turn to other
things, for awhile.... i see my google ads are animal oriented. i wonder if they'll change when
i write about my bonsai, or the atlanta "water wars"?
this period of angst has reminded me to be thankful
every day for all the gifts i have been given.
life is ephemeral after all, so live it and be well.

vty, j-lea